Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
