shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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