I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
