Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
