Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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