He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
