i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
