He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
