You made me cry and you don't even care
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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