Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
