Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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