You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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