I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
