I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
