I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
