sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
