Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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