We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His nipple licking is glorious
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