Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
