Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

...there is blood under my fingernails.

(515): View more from Iowa

...I hope my roomates are okay.

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(818): View more from California

I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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(646): View more from New York

I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.

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(419): View more from Ohio

You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.

(419): View more from Ohio

Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.

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(210): View more from Texas

Anything special planned for Valentines Day?

(310): View more from California

Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?

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