Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
