oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
