the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
