She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
