I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
