We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
