As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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