Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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