i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
