Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
