Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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