Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
