We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
