Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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