Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
