both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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