I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
