pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want to fling myself into the sun
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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