im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
