i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
