and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
