I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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