thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
