my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
