I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
