Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
