no, he came in my armpit
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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