I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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