My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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