I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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