so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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