He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
