So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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