If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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