Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
