I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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