sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
