you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
