I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
