also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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